Your First Love and First Kiss. If Separate, Discuss Both
Apologies to my husband, even though he’s already mostly aware.
I will cover the second part first.
My first kiss was a boy I met my second year of college. I signed up for a theatre class on a whim. I had already filled the required section on my degree audit, but I needed the credits to be eligible for my scholarship money. He, on the other hand, had signed up because he thought the class was something a little different than what it was.
On the first day of class, we had to act out a scene from every day life, no matter how boring it was. This is when he first caught my eye. All he did was sit in a chair and move his hand around. He had been acting out playing computer game. We had to perform 3 scenes with 1-2 partners through the semester. I was nervous because everyone around me already had their partners. When the instructor asked who didn’t have a partner, computer boy raised his hand. Things were rocky at first, but eventually I felt a different vibe from him. One day, he invited me to his dorm room to play a computer game that I had been very interested in trying. It ended up being not unlike a “Netflix and chill” scenario in retrospect. I was not used to anyone being interested in me, so I froze when he kissed me. It was awkward and I left shortly after. Luckily, we had already performed our scene!
We saw each other on and off over the next 2 years until he moved on to a college closer to his home. He died 3 years later. It hurt like no emotional pain I’d ever felt before. I had liked him a lot, more than any other male or female person, save one, but I don’t really think it was love.
So my first love…
…as it would turn out is the same one I now find myself married to. We sat next to each other in a music class our first semester of college, but I didn’t take an interest in him until the second semester of the second year. 4 years after that class, I found myself enamored, but kept my feelings to myself. I was afraid of ruining things, especially since it appeared to be one-sided. Instead, I tried to find someone else, but I would become annoyed with them before a relationship could happen. I later admitted to myself it was because they weren’t him. There came a time when I told myself I needed to give up for good and hooked up with a friend at a Halloween party. It is something that would’ve been better left undone. I felt that same annoyance after 2 months of dating and my breaking up with him caused me to lose a friend group I used to board game with a couple times each month. The only consolation was that the guy I had pined for harder than I really realised was finally a reality. I honestly never saw us being in a relationship a thing that would ever happen. To this day, I am still amazed. In the over year and a half that we’ve been married, I’ve never once felt the same negative feelings that I did towards all the rest. I think this is why the universe kept throwing us together for the 5-6 years it took us to be ready for each other. There was some heavy emotional bruising along the way, but I doubt I’d be happier spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
I heard a song on my way home today that, although it says 10 years and we’ve been married less than 2, I think the same things.
Sappy post is done. Thanks for staying with it!